Pokemon Don't Kill Pokemon, People Kill Pokemon!
by Korona Karyuudo
Summary: A spur of the moment Crack-Fic based off of the major BP Oil Spill in the Gulf. Made to try and help me get out of a writer's block, yet I believe it is still a pretty outrageous and funny read. Enjoy!


**Hey everyone! **Right so I'm in a bit of a writing slump and well, I don't really know. I've been thinking a lot about all the faulty things in Pokemon compared to the real world and this Crack-Fic idea just popped into my head. Well I hope you all enjoy it, because I may write more of them if you do, or even to help relieve me from my writers block. Enjoy the madness!

And for those of you wondering about Light Up the Darkness it seems that I have reached my max of 100 daily PMs so wait till tomorrow for replies. =] Same goes to friends who just wanted to chat. That's all and enjoy everyone!

And before I forget, this is a big deal for our planet, so please pay a visit to Happy2Bme's profile to help out with this ongoing war of the waters!

-Torrie

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Title: Pokemon Don't Kill Pokemon; People Kill Pokemon

Objective: A spur of the moment Crack-Fic based off of the major BP Oil Spill in the Gulf.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, because if I did then obviously Ash's adventure would have been over by now. Speed Racer not owned by me either.

* * *

The Pokemon world is a very stingy yet 'advanced' place if you think about it. They have money, people, animals, food, companies, homes, nature, and all that jazz. I mean, they even have cars, and well, I'm pretty sure those cars run on oil because it's not like they have some fancy-shmansy type of fuel source like in the old Speed Racer animated series….yeah..

Well, if I'm right (and I'm pretty sure I am), then don't major oil companies need a way to bring their oil across the seas without paying more for transportation fees? Of course some of those idiots are really stingy and don't want to 'waste' money, so they do things the unsafe way.

So here I am now, at the Pacifidlog Town Pokemon Center. I'm sitting squashed between one oversized man and one deathly skinny girl, slumped as far back into the plush sofa as my space restriction would allow. I swear I'm being poked by pointy elbows and knees; It's not fun. The entire place is jammed full of people, and the sad part is that everyone just stopped what they were doing to stare up at the brightly lit TV screen.

As I turned my eyes up toward the glowing screen, they dilated in size as my ears took in the chilling words that the news anchor spoke loud and clear enough for everyone around the world to hear.

"Hey turn up the volume, it's too low for us to hear!" shouted the fat guy next to me to the person standing closest to the TV.

The man obliged by turning the volume dial, and the words of the news anchorman boomed throughout the room, "William Hawthorn here and good afternoon everyone. For those of you who have just tuned in, we have just received word that a Silph Co. undersea oil pipe has burst open from over corrosion. The location of the pipe burst has been confirmed to be approximately 7 miles off the coast of Pacifidlog Town in the Hoenn region. As we speak, several gallons of oil have been released into the ocean. Officials are still wondering what they can do to stop the problem, and the President of the Hoenn region has not yet given a statement on the problem at hand. It is being advised that everyone avoid sea travel until the situation is taken into control. Now we go to Emily Greene in Dewford Town with the Water Pokemon Preservation Committee."

Suddenly the screen switched to a lady with a microphone standing next to the gym leader of Dewford Town, Brawly. Surrounding the both of them were a throng of people holding signs and chanting different slogans.

"Thank you William," the lady began, "I'm standing here with the group members of the Water Pokemon Preservation Committee and their president, the current Gym leader of the Dewford Gym, Brawly. Care to tell us what you think of the oil spill situation mister Brawly sir?"

To this question Brawly replied with, "Totally Emily! Well see here, us people of the WPPC are thrown off our rockers at this situation! It's totally outrageous man. Like really, what kinda people would do this to our Pokemon. Ho-oh and Lugia are probably really peeved you know. And what hurts the most is the rising number of people and Pokemon dying from oil poisoning! Totally whack dude! It ain't tubular at all. So, we, the WPPC are urging you all to boycott Silph Co Oil industries and for trainers to take precautionary measures and not travel the waters, ESPECIALLY on your water Pokemon. Our livelihood's at stake here and Silph Co needs to pay up and stop more oil from spilling! Boo ya and radical dudes!"

The woman known as Emily took the mike back and finished off her segment with, "There you have it viewers. People and Pokemon's lives are at stake from this oil spill that needs to be stopped. Now to Lauren Plume in Fortree City with the Freedom For Flyers Foundation!"

Once again the picture on the screen switched to another lady in what could be described as a 'treetop city,' surrounded by trees and houses built in trees. By her side was the current Fortree City Gym leader, Wynona, as well as a troupe of people standing behind them holding signs.

"Gracias Emily! Lauren here with the President of the Freedom For Flyers Foundation, Wynona! It seems that the oil spill off the coast of Pacifidlog is also hurting the flying pokemon. Would you like to tell us why?" Lauren finished her introduction with.

She passed the mike over to Wynona who bravely spoke into it, "Lauren it's a shame to see what the world has come to today. As for how our flying type Pokemon are being affected by this oil spill, well let me state the facts. There are several flyers who need to roost and regain their energy why flying over long water distances, so they perch and just float on the water. But, with the water being oil polluted, their feathers get coated and they can no longer fly. They all end up dying. It's so sad and Silph Co needs to pay for this," she finished off.

"There we have it," Lauren started after taking the mike back from Wynona, "Both the QuadrupleF and the WPPC are against the Silph Co for their blatant ignorance of their own people and environment. For those of you stuck in Pacifidlog with no way out, we wish you luck, for you'll be stuck there until everything clears over. Back to you Will."

As quickly as I could, I rose to my feet and made my way to the TV, stumbling over the straggling feet of people who were standing and sitting wherever they could find room. In blind fury, I missed my step and tripped over a leg, my outstretched arm accidentally turning off the TV. I landed headfirst on the ground and let out a low moan, while everyone else resumed what they were doing before the news broadcast.

I refused to believe that I was stuck here. My heart rate sped up to the point where I could hear it thumping loudly and irregularly in my ears. Stumbling over people again, I made my way to the doors and left the Pokemon Center. Following the directions of the native peoples, I made my way over to the pier and sat down. My feet were dangling over the edge of the rail, swinging listlessly above the calm water.

All that was running through my mind was how in the name of Manaphy this even happened. Really. As far as my 20/20 vision allowed me to, I looked out on the stretch of water and could see water Pokemon surfaced in random places, belly up and dead. They were already starting to smell bad, like BO but much worse kind of bad. Every second another one or two would come up. And then there were the birds. I felt bad because I had nothing to scare them away with, but they perched in the water anyway and drowned.

Slowly I pulled my legs back onto the dock, got on my knees, and lowered my face over the water. I just kept staring, my eyes blank, into the deep blue water. Well, I shouldn't say blue, because the water was most definitely turning a murky brown. It seems like the oil already reached this far. I wasn't even paying attention when a dead Magicarp surfaced right in front of my face, causing some of the murky water to splash into my face. It was sick I tell you. But still, I kept my face there, as the waves swept the dead corpse away. I just kept staring, wanting to get away from this place and scorning the cause of all my trouble. I willed my legs to move and to let me stand, but they wouldn't have any of that. Instead, I remained crouched there, a single tear shedding from my eyes and plopping into the water.

* * *

3 days later

I am still there, just sitting with my face over the water. The ocean looks pitch black and filled with corpses of dead water and flying Pokemon, among the few bug and other flyers who aren't really flying type Pokemon. And, as I still sit there, there is nothing in my eyes but pure wonder and amazement at the rapidly growing numbers of the dead and the fact that it wasn't even stopped. Still, I sat there, and more time went by.

* * *

1 week later

Still here, and everything's worse. They tried several attempts at capping of the oil pipe, which all resulted in failure, mind you. I'm still sitting, more like lying belly flat on the pier, staring at the water below. After one week of lies coming from Silph Co and a failure of response on the President of Hoenn's part, I start thinking a bit about Pokemon. I recount several previous battles that I had where my Pokemon were hit with some kind of oil, poison, ice, fire, electricity, rock, or some other sticky substance, where, if rational, should have caused their deaths, but didn't? So then, why the heck are Pokemon dying if all the oil can do is make them faint?

A spark lit up in my eyes and I quickly scrambled to my feet, muscles sore from not moving for so long. I searched threw my bag for my water Pokemon and call him out of his Pokeball.

"Go Pokemon!" I cried out, and in the sea before me appeared my Relicanth, whom I quickly mounted.

'Haha! I beat the system!" I cried out, while we glided across the water, passing several Pokemon corpses in our wake.

Suddenly, about 9 yards away from the pier I noticed my Relicanth slowing, every slowly dipping even more into the water. Then, a few seconds later, she sunk beneath the waves, leaving me to plunge into the filthy depths. I accidentally swallowed some of that murky, filthy, disgusting water and realized that I couldn't swim.

Running out of breath, all that ran through my mind was how could I be wrong? How come I had to die? The only answer I came up with was: It's the Pokemon world, where the unthinkable happens and the ironic becomes truth.

My last breath of air left my body and I drifted to the bottom of the sea, lost in my unconscious dreams. How wrong I was about this all. I should have realized that irony would always prevail.

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**Right well what do you guys think?** Lol I think I overdid it a bit… but yeah well hope that it made you laugh or at least question my sanity. Because, if it did, you deserve a mountain of cookies. =] If you have anything you want me to write about next, please feel free to ask: I don't bite!

Lol now that I'm rereading the story I realize it makes absolutely no sense at all. Plus, forgive me for the lack of an actual plotline. Must also mention that the character whose POV I wrote from is NOT me, so this is not self insertion. This is just a random stranger who owns a relicanth. Note the lack of gender as well.

Also, to those of you who sent in characters to Light Up the Darkness and have received no form of reply from me yet, It's because I kinda already wasted my 100 max PMs for the day.. hehee.. That also goes to friends who just wanted to chat.

Well, till next time everyone! Don't forget to R&R!

-Torrie


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